Mittwoch, 23. Mai 2012


thinspiration Pictures, Images and Photos
31st May -  54,7kg  / 8 st 8lb
28th May -  55,0 kg / 8 st 9lb
27th May -  55,7 kg / 8 st 10lb
26th May  - 55,6 kg / 8 st 10lb
25th  May - 55,7 kg / 8 st 10lb
24th  May - 55,8 kg / 8 st 11lb
23rd May - 55,8 kg  / 8 st 11 lb
22nd May - 55,9 kg / 8 st 11 lb
21st  May - 56,7 kg / 8 st 13 lb

Montag, 21. Mai 2012

I've lost a pound

Hello my dears

When I stepped on the scale in the morning I was sorta nervous, although I wasn't eating much these days I had the certain feeling that I gained at least a pound due to all coffee last night but, surprise surprise! I've lost 0,6 kg / 1 pound. It was such a boost and sweeten my morning.  Maybe
all of you know his kind of feeling - I am sure you do. To me it's mesmerizing.

To keep the weight at least one day I skipped breakfast and lunch and did a lot of sports. One hour aerobics and an other hour cycling. My joints still hurt due to that but it's a rather pleasant pain and makes me sorta proud. Don't get me wrong I am just not crying out loud.  Anyhow later I went out and had a walk. I don't know what happened to Germany, if it just changed the place with Italy but it was freakin' hot. At our balcony it was about 31C°. . .and the weather remained like that.

To make the balcony more beautiful I got some flowers from a farmer close to our town -she wasn't really nice though and since I have no idea how to keep flowers alive I am rather worried they won't make even a week. Fail.

Anyhow in the evening I've talked to two friends of mine and they told me they've lost 25 kg / almost 4 stone within 5 months and 14 kg / around 2 stone within 4 months I honestly feel like asking them how they managed to get rid off their weight and keep it like it is now but on one hand I am afraid that I ask more than I should since one of them seems to struggle with an ED . . .

I will try from now on to create my entries more interesting and of course I am going to improve my expression, haha. I just got really lazy when it's up to English.
All the best for your guys!

Don't you see their bodies burning 
desolate and full of yearning.



PS: Hopefully you like the new blog design.

Serj Tankian - Empty walls

Freitag, 18. Mai 2012


It is 2:50 am right now and I should be sleeping already but for some reasons I cannot.

Is it because if University - that I know in two or three month I have to move out and leave my family alone? Dont get me wrong I did never get along with my family very well but now since there are just my mother and grandmother left it makes me sad leaving them. Not that I am often around them but living close to them or eight hours away makes a difference to me.

Furthermore I tink I have a problem. Whenever I think about my past I only remember the bad or really awkward situations. When I think about my childhood I remember these calls with my grandmother I used to made when my parents were fighting, I remember the smell of alcohol and the odd places my dad used to hide his bottles of vodka, I remember how bad people at school treat me - how I started to cut myself because I wasn't able to stand their words,I remember one in particular. For our trip to Dublin we'd to make and sell sandwiches. I remember when I entered the kitchen and asked where I could help Marie answered I should better get in a bin instead of helping because I am nothing than trash and I remember that no one said nothing against it. Although it's now two years ago I remember it as it happened yesterday.

Even when i think about Japan I remember the bad things first. The fights I had with my boyfriend the feeling of being all alone in a country I didn't know before. I remember being called fat countless times from my boyfriend although at time I wasn't. (45kg) I wished I could sleep right now.

With love

Dienstag, 15. Mai 2012


Hello dears

I am just taking a short break of calling random people to get some information about University. Did I already mention that I am sick of it ... ? Haha. Anyways I lost some weight! Yay, I am 55 kg (121lbs) but it's still a long road. . . the next step is no food after 6 pm. Usually it's quite easy to me to get along without food during the day but I am really eating more than I should at night. I should really change that habit. And I already know how. My room is going to be a food free room! And from today on I'll start to decorate my 'Inspiration book' I think that is going to keep my mind busy enough. (^__^)

And since I cannot print imagines I'm gonna draw them. The picture I want to draw today is this one. 

This is 岩田ののか - Iwata Nonoka. (her Twitter : nonoka03) Due to some information on the Internet she is 154cm and weights 43kg what seems to be false. However, I think she used to be a model for a Japanese magazine called EGG, maybe she is still, I don't know, haha. -not prepared- Her styling is really unique and special! Just check some of her photos. 

Please let me know, do you like fashion? 

With love

Samstag, 12. Mai 2012


Hello dears

I cannot tell how pissed I am right now. A couple of days ago I went to the gym but the staff there told me I could not join because I would move too soon and that I should go on Monday to talk to his boss. Gosh. Why is everything so fucking complicated in Germany? 
Furthermore I have three weeks left to decide to which University to go and what to study. I am real sick of all these phone calls in the early morning. Of course the people I am talking to are nice yet they are so slow and like. "You may call the teacher." ... great.  Anyways today it's Saturday and I cannot do anything but wait until Monday.... ORZ!

Something else that's real upsetting me is the fact that I turn to be really envious about the body of a 18 year old girl from Spain. (her blog: littlesugarcube) She can wear whatever she wants and still look like: Wow! And if I wanted to wear her pants they'd only cover my lower leg. Gosh. Seriously and then her blog is full with photos of food.
I should better not think about how I looked like when I was 18 years old. 
While sitting in front of the computer, I am really getting nervous. There are like only five months left until University starts and I am afraid that someone will point at me and call me overweight / fat / unhealthy. Of course people do not usually do this but just the thought about it makes me feel bad.

It would be real nice if you tell me who your inspiration is these days. I hope you guys doing better. Gonna take a long shower now. 

With love

Dienstag, 8. Mai 2012


Hello my dears

Recently I haven't enough time to continue with daily information. And that's for some reasons. First of all
University. Fortunately I'm able to join by the end of this year, yet I have no idea what I should study. Of course my major will be Japanese, but you can't do anything with it. There are no employees looking for Japanese speaking staff in Germany, therefore I have to study something different additionally. I'd love too  do some movie stuff but that's not possible as it seems. However, secondly my friend needs a lot of help to come to Germany. He hardly speaks English and no German but wants to study at the University in Berlin. I am not quite sure if he will be able but I hope he will be rock it!

Furthermore I have plenty of things to do tomorrow, starting with five calls to four different Universities and I am already pissed off because they might just give me a link or an other phone number. Apart from that my friend asked me to translate something for a band she is managing. They want to sing some sentences in Japanese. I have to go to a shop to get some photos of my mother printed , grab some books at the library and my new objective for my camera. I don't know how much time I will have left but at night I wanted to get my hair dyed as well.

I really miss to read blogs which are updated at least twice a week.. so if you have any recommendations please leave their links. 

Food                                             Sports
2 x pieces of potatoes                    -
4 x asparagus
2 x water ice

With love

Donnerstag, 3. Mai 2012

Supersize vs Superskinny

Hello my dears

Today I wanted to introduce you a TV show I used to watch on YouTube. It's a British show called 'Supersize vs Superskinny' and it's basically about a fat person swapping their diets with a skinny person. At the end of the show they sometimes tell stories about anorexic people. To me it's one of the most informing shows I've seen so far.

Hopefully you'll enjoy the show as much as I do.

1 x bowl of salad
4 x pieces of potatoes
3 x asparagus 

Afterall I cannot wait to weight myself again! I need to know how fatty I am. I need those numbers!

With love

Dienstag, 1. Mai 2012

fat, Fat, FATT !

Hello my dears

I can't tell how horrible I  feel today and all due to the massive amount of food I had.

Food                                                         Sport
1 x bowl of rice                                          10 minutes on  a step machine
1 x bowl of salad                                        50 sit-ups
2 x kiwis
1 x yogurt (100g)
3 x pieces of chocolade
5 x pieces of zwieback

If I keep snarfing like this how will I ever lose weight?! Just how?! I know I have to do more sports and I really should print a photo of Shinya an d pin it on my  wall. Yes, Shinya is my idol. He and his BMI of 15.4... in addition I  am going to print 'Ana's letter'  I'd like to mention that I am not anorexic but this letter does keep me away from food.

With love